Kiwi Interview, by The Liztress

Welcome to yet another interview by me, The Liztress! Today's guest is the one, the only Kiwi! You might know him for his take on things and his love for guns and mechs. Also, he is that guy who talks in third person. So without further adieu, let the interview begin!


General Information-

Liz: Evening Kiwi. How are you doing?
Kiwi: Kiwi is fine
Liz: Could you tell everyone a little something about you?
Kiwi: Just know that there is only a 10% chance of truthful answers
Liz: That's fine. As long as you have fun with the interview, that's all that matters
Kiwi: Hmmmm.... Kiwi speaks in the third person, likes history, guns, and shiny objects
Liz: Shiny objects? Like coins and such?
Kiwi: And other things
Liz: What happens to be your favorite gun? And how many do you own in real life?
Kiwi: Shotgun, definitely, and Kiwi owns none
Liz: Any plans on getting one?
Kiwi: At some point in time
Liz: Care to tell us what your favorite video games are?
Kiwi: Halo (original is best), Team Fortress 2, Dawn of War, System Shock 2, couple others Kiwi can't think of...
Liz: So you prefer the shooting genre?
Kiwi: That and strategy, even if thinking makes Kiwi's brain hurts
Liz: Well, they say thinking is good for people.
Liz: What kind of music do you like?
Kiwi: Everything, except rap
Liz: Got any favorite songs you listen to?
Kiwi: That's worth about 2 pages or so of songs some of them is Homeworld by Yes, Mr. Fancy Pants, Banana Man, Eye of the Tiger, Never Gonna Give You Up, and a bunch of others
Kiwi: Favorite Band is Sabaton though
Liz: What makes you like Sabaton more than the rest?
Kiwi: Hmmmm, probably the biggest is the lyrics. A lot of their songs are about specific battles and such in history.
Liz: Cool. Which song would you recommend to a new listener of them?
Kiwi: Hmmm, that's a tough one....
Kiwi: Probably Speeder, as that is among Kiwi's favorites
Liz: So, who do you want to become the next President: Obama, McCain, or _______ (fill in the blank)?
Kiwi: A bunch of people on Kiwi's friends list performed a mass cult suicide
Kiwi: Ron Paul
Kiwi: Or Megatron
Kiwi: Or MegatRon Paul
Liz: Whoa
Kiwi: (Though Kiwi has to admit he didn't make up MegatRon Paul)
Liz: Oh
Liz: Who did?
Kiwi: Some dude
Liz: Oh
Kiwi: But Kiwi thinks neither McCain or Obama are suited for the task
Liz: Do you think they'll do worse than Bush?
Kiwi: Maybe
Kiwi: Only history will really be able to tell if George Bush was truly the bad president he is made out to be
Liz: Yeah, and by then, will it really matter to us? We'll probably be dead.
Kiwi: Kiwi would say at least 10-15 years before we can be sure
Liz: Unless the world ends. Do you believe in that thoery?
Liz: *theory
Kiwi: 2012, Mayan Calander, astroid attack, and all that?
Liz: Yeah
Kiwi: It might happen then, might not
Kiwi: But Kiwi isn't gonna bank on it
Liz: So, you like to take things as they come along?
Kiwi: To some degree
Kiwi: Life is enough of a reason for living and all that
Liz: I agree.
Kiwi: Though Kiwi would love to see the fate of the world come down to a break dancing contest
Kiwi: Or a game of space invaders
Liz: How about mud wrestling? Or a baby eating contest? As you seem to like baby food
Kiwi: Hmmm...
Kiwi: Definitely space invaders
Kiwi: A single tank/cannon/base on wheels against floating seafood
Liz: lol
Liz: That would be fun to watch
Kiwi: Exactly
Kiwi: End the world with a spectacle
Liz: Best way to go out
Kiwi: But they have to make the noises
Kiwi: At least the seafood does
Liz: What kind of noises? slushy ones?
Kiwi: The noises they make in the old arcade game as they move
Liz: Ah, that would be better
Kiwi: Because it is a good impending doom noise, but we can still laugh at the low quality
Liz: As long as the graphics aren't low quality
Kiwi: But that would take away the charm!
Kiwi: Either way works
Liz: What's your favorite food?
Kiwi: Mealwise: Meat and taters, A1 on the meat. Snack: Popcorn with extra butter, heart-stopping goodness right there. Drinkwise: Coffee
Kiwi: Kiwi must have rolled a 1 when he did his deceptive mood check as Kiwi hasn't been lying...
Liz: Well, that's a good thing for me.
Liz: And what kind of taters? Fried, baked, steamed?
Kiwi: Any of those work
Kiwi: Except potato salad
Liz: Why not?
Kiwi: Waste of good spuds
Kiwi: 'Cause it's nasty
Liz: Don't like mayo?
Kiwi: Nope, makes Kiwi ill
Kiwi: Except some Miracle Whip in sandwiches
Liz: Miracle Whip is kinda tangy, I think.
Kiwi: It doesn't make Kiwi ill
Kiwi: That's what matters
Liz: True true.



Fallen Knights Refuge-

Liz: So, could you tell us your thoughts on Fallen Knights Refuge?
Kiwi: It's decent enough
Liz: Any improvements you think need to be made?
Kiwi: Not enough out there or random topics for Kiwi's liking
Kiwi: And people actually posting
Kiwi: In interesting topics
Liz: What kind of random topics would you like to see on there?
Kiwi: The random kind
Liz: Like, one about which are better hot dogs or corn dogs?
Kiwi: No, like, "Kiwi hit a rock with a hammer and it made a spark"
Liz: Ah, well that is random.
Liz: And would make a great topic
Kiwi: Exactly
Kiwi: which is the point
Liz: We'll have to make more topics like that.
Kiwi: Yes, you lot should
Liz: So, your thoughts on the staff?
Kiwi: You are fine, that Grave person comes off as too much of a pansy, and Kiwi can't recall any others
Liz: There's Venom and Crazy K
Kiwi: They are generic
Liz: :/ I reckon it's better than being non-existant
Kiwi: they should be more noticeable and different as generic people get mocked where Kiwi comes from
Liz: A lot of people get mocked despite how unique they are
Kiwi: More fun when they aren't generic though
Liz: This is true.
Liz: Do you like the memberbase on FKR?
Kiwi: You ever heard of the idea that there are some personalities that have been copied and can be found anywhere?
Liz: Yeah, do you think that's the case on the forum?
Kiwi: Couple people
Kiwi: Remind Kiwi a lot of people he's seen elsewhere
Liz: On other forums and such?
Kiwi: Of course
Liz: Do they act like people you don't like? Or are they still likable?
Kiwi: Though that might be partly due to Kiwi not bothering to pay much attention
Kiwi: Eh, most are neutral. One or two Kiwi doesn't like.
Liz: Well, ignoring those might be the best course of action.
Kiwi: That's what Kiwi does
Kiwi: Or laugh at them
Liz: I guess you could do worse to them.
Kiwi: Eat their children
Liz: Yep
Liz: That's a no-no.
Kiwi: Mmmm.... babies
Kiwi: Some A1 on'em
Liz: :/ I don't think that's approved here
Kiwi: Good thing Kiwi ain't seeking approval
Kiwi: Just a good sandwich
Liz: A BBQ one?
Kiwi: If those B's mean baby, then yes
Liz: Well, a BBQB sandwich then
Kiwi: Baby Baby something starting with Q Baby sandwich
Kiwi: Kiwi hates real BBQ too sweet
Liz: Oh, some places make it spicy
Kiwi: Eh, not a huge spicy fan

Fallen Knights Fanzine-

Liz: So, what do you think about the Fanzine?
Kiwi: It's decent
Kiwi: Somethings are interesting
Kiwi: Some aren't
Liz: Favorite article?
Kiwi: Whatever Kiwi made
In all serious, Kiwi doesn't have one.
Liz: Do you have one that stands out?
Kiwi: If Kiwi did, that would be his favorite.
Liz: lol, good.
Liz: Even though I know it's just because you like yourself a lot.
Liz: Nothing wrong with that.
Kiwi: What?
Liz: Liking yourself.
Liz: It's good to think highly of one's self.
Kiwi: What makes you say dat?
Kiwi: Kiwi would punch himself if he ever met himself
Kiwi: Get on Kiwi's nerves he would
Liz: Well, if you constantly rag on yourself and think less of yourself, it leads people to thinking less of you. And you'll get nowhere in life.
Liz: Nah, Kiwi... I think you'd get along with yourself if you ever met
Kiwi: Kiwi would like to know where people get these crazy ideas that Kiwi is a narcisst (however that is spelled) or hates himself.
Liz: I don't know. I can't see someone like you hating yourself.
Kiwi: Must be Kiwi's stunning personality and sweet dance moves
Liz: lmao
Liz: It could be.
Kiwi: Can't be the third person speak.
Liz: Actually, that makes you stand out.
Kiwi: Exactly, means only an idiot would forget Kiwi's name
Liz: True.
Liz: So, who is your closest friend on the forum?
Kiwi: Kiwi hasn't really talked to anyone there outside of the forum
Kiwi: Except Kiwi's waifu, Kazyen.
Liz: So, Kazyen then? How did you met her?
Kiwi: Anotha forum
Liz: Was it Wiki's old one?
Kiwi: Oh no, before that.
Liz: Ah, cool.
Kiwi: She was the reason Kiwi went thar anyway
Kiwi: Actually, Kiwi thinks it was the first place Kiwi saw him too
Liz: So, what do you think about the stories people have written on FKR? And do you think yours is as great as people tell you it is?
Kiwi: Wait, people say it's great? Since when?
Liz: Well, I think it's extremely well written and funny to boot
Kiwi: Why tank you.
Liz: No prob.
Kiwi: Reminds Kiwi he needs to finish up the first part of the next one and type it up...
Liz: Maybe you'll let us put it in the Fanzine?
Kiwi: If you lot really want to do that. Any legal problems that come up are yers
Liz: >.> I'll shift the blame to Grave.
Kiwi: That works
Kiwi: (Any copyrighted characters or material belong to their respective owners, don't sue, plzkthnx)
Liz: I'll make sure to place that in the post before I add it to the fanzine
Kiwi: That seems safe
Liz: Yep. Gotta cover our asses.
Kiwi: Which is why Kiwi always carries a Rear Guard
Liz: Pays to be safe
Kiwi: No fat men are gonna rape Kiwi's bum
Liz: Yeah, I heard that can be painful
Kiwi: Kiwi wouldn't know
Liz: Me neither. It just sounds painful.

Lightning Round-

Liz: What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
Kiwi: Kill a man in Reno
Kiwi: (Just call this bit the Lightening round)
Liz: Alright, brb first
Kiwi: 'kk
Kiwi: Yer status message thing makes Kiwi think of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"
Liz: Back. And really?
Kiwi: Yep, "Bet you didn't know it"
Kiwi: Then Kiwi sees you announcing that you are a fiddle player
Liz: lol
Liz: Never played a fiddle
Kiwi: Oh
Liz: Wanted to try it though
Kiwi: Become the Devil
Kiwi: Then you can do it
Liz: Yeah
Liz: I wonder how the world would handle a female Devil though
Kiwi: Who says the original isn't?
Liz: Good point.
Kiwi: Anyway, ask away
Liz: Ok. Hot or Cold weather?
Kiwi: Hot
Liz: Killing Spree or Shopping Spree?
Kiwi: Killing spree then using the stolen money for a shopping spree
Liz: Top or Bottom?
Kiwi: Top
Liz: Kill or Be Killed?
Kiwi: Kill, of course
Liz: beef or pork?
Kiwi: BEEF
Liz: Cat or Dog?
Kiwi: Dog
Liz: AIM or MSN?
Kiwi: MSN
Liz: Bacon or Sausage?
Kiwi: Bacon
Liz: How do you like your eggs?
Kiwi: Served with a cup of the blood of the innocent
Kiwi: Or a scrambled in a sandwich
Liz: Both sound... yummy
Liz: Wiki or Grave?
Kiwi: What about'em?
Liz: Which one do you like more?
Kiwi: The morbid one
Liz: Ok.
Liz: Favorite color?
Kiwi: Kiwi has his left ring finger stuck in a Russian Coke bottle
Kiwi: Red
Liz: How did you get it stuck?
Kiwi: By inserting the finger into the bottle
Liz: But why do that?
Kiwi: Kiwi dunno
Kiwi: To challange communist glass?
Liz: Looks like the glass is winning
Kiwi: It's free either way
Kiwi: Soviet bottle has been defeated
Liz: Ah
Kiwi: Is dat all the questions?
Liz: I'm thinking of a few more
Kiwi: 'kk
Kiwi: This would take a while to edit, Kiwi imagines
Liz: Well, not any longer than normal, I guess.
Liz: I just fix the names and organize the stuff
Kiwi: Ah
Liz: >.> It's not hard work. For me, it's thinking of cool things to ask
Liz: Oh, corn dogs or hot dogs?
Kiwi: hot dog
Liz: Boxers or briefs?
Kiwi: Kiwi would say boxers since that's the only thing he's wearing
Liz: o.o Indeed...
Liz: Feel comfortable to talk to someone in just your boxers?
Kiwi: Well, Kiwi doesn't feel awkward doing it
Kiwi: Now if you were at Kiwi's front door...
Liz: I'd hope you would be dressed
Kiwi: Kiwi most likely would
Liz: Ok, younger or older?
Kiwi: With three pairs of pants
Liz: Three pairs?
Kiwi: Yes
Kiwi: Kiwi cannot adequately answer your question as younger would probably set Kiwi up as a pedo, and older would be interpreted as senior citzen
Liz: lol, I mean as in when dating do you prefer someone a year younger or a year older?
Kiwi: Why would it matter?
Liz: It's something to ask
Kiwi: Kiwi doesn't know what the age of consent here is so he isn't sure he can say younger
Liz: Let's say the age is 16
Kiwi: The whole age thing was just a way of skirting around the fact that Kiwi dunno
Liz: Ok ok
Liz: Hair color preference?
Kiwi: Invisible
Kiwi: Because that would be awesome
Kiwi: And it would be glow in the dark
Liz: That would be awesome
Kiwi: Extremely
Liz: Microsoft or Sony?
Kiwi: Microsoft
Liz: Jedis or Sith Lords?
Kiwi: Jedi, if only because Sith Lords are pansies who don't know self restraint
Liz: day or night?
Kiwi: Night
Liz: Probing aliens or being probe by aliens?
Kiwi: What the?
Kiwi: Uhhh....
Liz: I'm not talking sexually
Kiwi: Still
Kiwi: Hit the big red button and see what it does
Liz: Red wire or green wire?
Kiwi: Green wire, because they would know that everyone picks the red wire so they change I up
Kiwi: *it
Liz: Superman or Batman?
Kiwi: Batman
Liz: I guess that's all I can think of.
Kiwi: Here's one for you
Liz: Ok
Kiwi: A K.G.B. Operative approaches
Liz: Yeah
Kiwi: How do you handle it: Wicked Awesome Guitar Solo of Communist Slaying, or the Jumping Jesus Slap of Doom?
Liz: Hmm... Depends. Is the Operative armed?
Kiwi: Doesn't matter
Kiwi: If you do it right the Jesusness will protect you
Liz: Well, I'll go with the Jumping Jesus Slap of Doom
Kiwi: Will you shout out "REPENT" when you slap'im?
Liz: Yep
Kiwi: Alright then
Kiwi: So that's it?
Liz: Yep.
Kiwi: Fair enough
Liz: If you like, I can interview you again later on or you can bug Grave to interview you as well.
Kiwi: Kiwi needs to get some sleep anyway
Liz: Same here.
Liz: It's kinda late
Kiwi: If either of you likes you can
Kiwi: Dun matter to Kiwi
Liz: Alrighty.
Kiwi: Ya
Liz: Thank you for letting me interview you
Kiwi: No problem
Kiwi: 'Twas a pleasure
Liz: Same here


And this wraps up yet another interview. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did interviewing Kiwi.