Bobhead's Top 10 Beat-Em-Ups

Anyone that grew up in the 90's would have a hard time forgetting all of the arcane knowledge Beat-Em-Ups taught you. Only in that genre is punching a trash can a viable option to looking for a fresh cooked turkey that's still intact on the platter and everything. You also learned one of life’s most important lessons: whenever you're walking down a street, that guy reading the newspaper is waiting to kill you. This is ALWAYS true, along with the fact that if you manage to kill him in combat, and...let's just say his name was Dave for simplicities sake, if you run into someone that looks just like him with a different colored t-shirt, his name is probably going to now be Rave and he's going to be even tougher than he was previously. Unfortunately as the years have gone by and technology has advanced, beat-em-ups have started to become a dying breed, with titles occasionally popping up and reminding us why we loved the genre before also fading into obscurity. For those that loved the genre and still hold a candle for some sort of revival, I present you with my list of Top Ten Beat-em-ups!


10. The Warriors (PS2, PSP)

Only Rockstar would think that it would be a good idea to resurrect a 30 year old movie that's been a cult classic since it came out, then combine it with a genre that's almost been completely dead since the dawn of 32-bit consoles back in the mid 90's. Luckily for gamers everywhere, that combination proved to be the recipe for pure gold. The movie was about one gang (The Warriors) attempting to escape from a failed meeting where they were blamed for the assassination of the most powerful boss in the city, which was supposed to be a modern day version of the same story as 300. The game, since it was released decades after the movie it was based on, took some liberties and told an alternate version of the story, mostly dealing with the gang trying to take over the city block by block. For fans of the movie or people that really get into the game, there are several bonus missions that you get to take part in if you wish that helps explain the back story for characters and the gang in general. Of course, strong storytelling isn't the only aspect that makes this title especially memorable. You have plenty characters to choose from, earning more as you get further into the game, a leveling system, some creative missions that mix pure, all-or-nothing brawling with stealth or escaping an area, a money system that you can use to earn spray paint and a drug that gives you a stat boost, and some of the most satisfying combat ever to grace a beat-em-up. Most people missed out on the game, but if you ever come across it and are hungering for some of that old school action with a modern twist, you'll find a lot to love in The Warriors.


09. The Simpson’s (Arcade)

There was a time when it was possible for licensed games to not suck or be horrendously mediocre. In those golden years, arcades everywhere saw this amazing 4 player cabinet based around America’s favorite cartoon family, The Simpson’s. Instead of trying to base the game itself off of any particular episode, the game took you through several locations from the game while forcing players to fight against enemies from the show. While the storyline wasn’t particularly compelling (save Maggie), there are few games that come close to capturing that same feel of you and 3 of your best friends gathered around the cabinet and working together using team attacks until you reach the end of the game. The animation and graphics still hold up well to this day and really do manage to look exactly like the cartoons, which was no easy feat for when this title was actually new. Unfortunately, the game never made it to consoles, meaning the only way to play it now is to find it in an arcade (PROTIP: Check Chuck E Cheese) or emulation. On the positive side, once you do track it down and get your friends to play it, you’ll find every moment was worth it in the end.


08. Alien Vs. Predator (Arcade)

It’s a shame the movies were so terrible, because the arcade version of Alien Vs. Predator was amazing. Unless there had been a comic released around this time, Alien Vs Predator was a completely original title that was developed by Capcom. Instead of trying to force the player to play as an alien, you picked one of three original characters that appeared nowhere in the movies, then went through several stages beating the crap out of any alien that was foolish enough to cross your path. It wasn’t exactly a terrifying experience, but you really did start to feel the pressure as hordes upon hordes of aliens descended upon you, often times making you wonder if you’d make it far enough to grab that health pickup that you knew was going to be on the next screen. The storyline itself wasn’t bad, especially since it was all new content. Throughout the levels, you’d randomly come across different weapons that you could use for a temporary amount of time that greatly aided in combat. The only downer was that the game was only 3 players, which seems like an odd selection looking back at things, but it worked out fine here since there had only been 3 characters to select. Each of the levels seemed varied enough, using plenty of colors with a almost hand drawn look to all of the sprites that would appear, keeping you compelled to play past the end of each level even if it was just to see what the next would be.


07. Battletoads (NES)

Everything about Battletoads screams of the early 90’s. Take an animal, give it some “‘tude”, throw in some incredibly frustrating levels that can make a grown man cry (speederbikes, anyone?), gameplay that was simplistic at its core, and a hot female villain that most of us never made it halfway to. What do you get? A game that has become one of the most memorable Beat-Em-Ups of the 8-bit years. Letting players choose between the titular Battletoads named Zitz, Rash, or Pimple was just the start. Each level had you briefed by your leader, which was a …bird or something, then you were dropped into the game. One of the most memorable aspects of the game was the satisfaction you got from destroying any of the enemies and hearing that classic “thwap” sound when you made that final hit, with your fist growing 4 times its normal size. Other trademarks of the series were the speederbikes, the ability to hit an enemy into the ground, then run at them and kick them like a football off of the screen, and the walker robots (including a memorable boss fight on the first level) that you could beat down, then take their legs and use them to club other enemies to death. Chances of us ever seeing another Battletoads game are slim to none, but the games that are out in the series still stand the test of time and are a true test of any gamers skill and patience, while still being satisfying for every level you make it through. Combine that with a co-op mode that let you work together with your friend to thwart foes or even use THEM as a weapon by throwing them into enemies (hey, it’s called taking one for the team!) makes this game number 7 on the list.


06. Double Dragon (NES)

Double Dragon is probably the first game everyone cut their teeth on when it comes to all out brawling action. Taking you through several levels that ranged pretty dramatically from scenery was only the beginning of this titles epic adventure. It started out with one of the most memorable scenes from a game of all time: Screen comes on, you pick which mode you want to play, then you see about 4 guys standing around and a girl standing there. From that point, one of the guys steps forward and punches the crap out of her in the stomach, then throws her over his shoulder and walks away. My logic has always been that she probably deserved it and the last fight of the game just reinforced my theory over how she was a complete b**** (spoiler coming in a few sentences!). There was a lot of stuff that happened in this game that kind of paved the way for other future beat-em-ups, such as beating up women with really bad hair that HAD to carry whips (seriously, go play a few of these games and any time you see a woman, she almost ALWAYS has a whip), weapons in general, simultaneous 2 player that also included a mode where you could beat down on your friend, one of the first games I can remember that showed me that changing your clothes made you a tougher person, and....the genre staple: a last fight that turns you against the person you've been playing with for the love of a woman. The enemies themselves are all pretty amazing, especially the huge hulking guys that you fight throughout the game that seem to easily be able to beat the crap out of you. Either way, for pure fun, a memorable soundtrack, and nostalgia, there's no way Double Dragon could NOT make it up here.


05. Dungeons & Dragons: Shadow of Mystara (Arcade)

This is one of those games that I know a lot of people probably never played or maybe heard about and thought it was a generic rpg or something. While the previous title in this series was amazing, this one was pure concentrated Awesome In A Can®! Shadow of Mystara might have only been a 4 player game, but it featured 6 characters that you could play as and level up throughout your journey and forced players to actually consider what class they were going to be and play them accordingly. The graphics are still amazing to witness since it capitalized on that completely hand drawn look that is a trademark of arcade beat-em-ups that were developed by Capcom at the time. Many games in this genre have players mashing on one or two buttons, but D&D: SoM had players using their classes skills in addition to various items in order to make it through the adventure. As you traversed environments, you could potentially come across a treasure chest, which was fine if you had a key on you, but if not, you better have a thief! Mages had the ability to cast powerful offensive and defensive magic, the warrior was a beast, etc. The last major difference between this and other games on this list is this is one of the few games that would occasionally give you the option to take a branching path towards the end of your epic quest. If you come across this or whatever, definitely give it a shot. If you have the time, make sure you also have 3 friends in tow to play it to it's maximum potential.


04. Final Fight 2 (SNES)

Ahh. The Final Fight franchise. This was THE pinnacle of fighting games back in the 16 bit days for most gamers. While the original is a lot more memorable with its cast and the introduction of the franchise, I still believe the second game refined everything that made the first game great, then expanded on it which is the formula for making any solid sequel. While Guy and Cody are notably absent from this game, two new characters were introduced: Maki, who was essentially a female version of Guy, and Carlos, which was a South American guy...BUT WITH A SWORD! Rounding out the cast was everyone's favorite barreled chested bad ass: the mighty Haggar. The actual gameplay itself was pretty much the same as any of the other games in this franchise, but it's amazing how well it holds up for reasons unknown. While the 3rd game had it's AI mode that let the computer take over as the second player which was creative at the time, the game itself seem kind of bland in comparison to the first two. If you go back to the first game, while the gameplay itself was fine, the color palate seems kind of bland and doesn't feel like it holds up to the test of time graphically. Personally, Final Fight 2 was the one I completely latched on to for whatever reason, making this my number 4.


03. Castle Crashers (Xbox 360)

Beat-em-ups were almost dead for about 10-15 years. As time has gone by, people have clamored for a Streets of Rage 4, or just something that wasn't Dynasty Warriors or the convoluted character action games that are so popular nowadays (God of War, Ninja Gaiden, Devil May Cry, etc). Out of the blue a few years ago, Castle Crashers appeared at various press conferences, making gamers everywhere super excited to know that there was going to be a classic co-op beat-em-up coming out in the future. As time went by though, the title saw more and more delays, making it look like it could potentially become vaporware, but at the end of August 2008, the wait proved to be well worth it as Xbox Live Arcade saw the release of what is easily considered to be the best beat-em-up in years: Castle Crashers. The game, which was developed by Behemoth (developer of Alien Hominid and Newgrounds classic Dad 'n Me) brought back all of the classic simplistic fun that made the genre so great back in its heyday.Instead of just having fun gameplay, it's one of the most enjoyable games to actually look at, has loads of unlockables, 4 player online or offline co-op, a few different modes, and it brought back fighting your best friend for the love of a woman yet again. While people had issues when the game came out with 4 player online co-op, the game has since been patched and had a small expansion that appeared. If you aren't a fan of downloadable content, there are loads of different weapons to be found in the game and you'll have a lot of fun just going through the story as many times as you want, leveling up your characters as you progress.


02. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time (SNES/Arcade)

Turtles in Time took everything that makes beat-em-ups incredible, evolved on its own 4 player formula that was made in the TMNT arcade game, then threw in some of the most amazing levels seen in the genre. Once you actually reach the time traveling parts of the game, you know you're in for an amazing experience. The 4 turtles are all still there and while your standard hits are all the same, there were a few changes that blew gamers away back in the day. If you managed to get in close to your enemy, not only could you beat the crap out of them with your weapon, but you could also throw them. That's not all folks! With a well timed throw, you were able to grab an enemy and literally throw them into the screen, watching their sprite grow larger until they eventually just disappeared. No beat-em-up would be worth anything if there weren't enemies there, and this game featured tons of enemies that made the cartoon so great, from foot soldiers to the classic duo of Bebop and Rock Steady. The level designs themselves all fit in with the time periods you were being transported to, from pirate ships to trains, fighting dinosaurs, and even riding hover boards down a neon futuristic highway in the unforgettable Neon Night Riders stage. While it's not the easiest game, the amazing level designs, gorgeous graphics, and fast and frantic gameplay has held up remarkably well over the years, making this number 2.


01. Streets of Rage 2 (Sega Genesis)

While the game itself is one of my favorites of all time, the reason that makes this stand out above everything else is how memorable the soundtrack was. Instead of going on for hours about how great that single aspect of the game was, I'd rather talk about some of the other parts. The box art alone was simply amazing and I fondly remember seeing it in stores and being completely impressed already, especially after being a huge fan of the first game. Only two of the characters from the first game return, which sets up the plot for the game. Adam Hunter, the third member of the original title, was kidnapped, which was discovered by one of the most amazing characters of a beat-em-up ever: Eddie Hunter. Eddie Hunter's only rival I can think of off the top of my head is the Kangaroo from Streets of Rage 3, but more people remember this guy simply as "Skate". Skate...is the epitome of companies capitalizing on the 90's: an African American character with a backwards hat and he fought through the entire game on frickin' roller blades(!!!), making him the fastest character out there. The other new character was Max, who was SoR's unstoppable powerhouse that fought similar to Final Fight's Haggar, but did it in the most ridiculous looking pants and boots I've ever seen in my life. Luckily, his size and power more than made up for it, which brings us to another reason why this game was so great. Unlike most beat-em-ups where you could choose different characters that looked different but ultimately played the same, all of the characters in this title had their own stats, meaning that you could actually find someone that you felt fit your own play style. The last major gameplay change was the removal of the original games special attack that consisted of you calling a police car in that would perform a random attack across the screen. Instead, your character had their own special moves which helped to expand the movelist and give them their own unique attacks that helped to define who they were instead of just being generic characters like so many other games. The levels all were amazing with some incredible bosses and gorgeous graphics, all backed by one of the most amazing game soundtracks ever. While everyone is still holding out some sort of hope that maybe one day there will actually be a true sequel, fans have taken matters into their own hands and developed Beats of Rage which is a completely customizable beat-em-up. While the entire series was amazing, everything meshed together to make my favorite beat-em-up of all time in Streets of Rage 2.

*Honorable Mentions*
*River City Ransom*
*Die Hard Arcade*
*Dynasty Warriors whatever (its all the same game)*